he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
