mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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