My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
His nipple licking is glorious
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