It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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