What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
