you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize