Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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