I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
