i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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