Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
