im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize