plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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