you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
