y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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