is your mom at the bar?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
