best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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