you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
