The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you didnt know i had herpes?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
