Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize