3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
