Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
