Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
