I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
