woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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