Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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