Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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