this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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