dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
