I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
