the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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