Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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