let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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