dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
