wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
