Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
