the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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