tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
