Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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