okay pat passed out under dana's car
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
