I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
