I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
