Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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