it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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