just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
