so that wasnt chicken after all
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
