i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
