hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
