One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My bed smells like the plague
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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