Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
