fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
