Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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