well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
