we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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