I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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