SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
