yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
In America we eat man semen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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