okay pat passed out under dana's car
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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