He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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