i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
