do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
