I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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