I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
