i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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