I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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