So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
