i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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