dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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