It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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