I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
