he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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